I was at a party one night regaling a couple of friends with stories about my ridiculous attempts at dating when one of them shared a little piece of wisdom that I think should be shouted from the rooftops:

Whatever someone tells you about themselves—BELIEVE THEM!! They will tell you everything you need to know on the first date, and likely within the first 5 minutes. People say their truth. BELIEVE THEM!!

This came up in the conversation because of a story I was sharing about a pretty effed-up evening I had with a very drunk and emotionally confused Girl #4 in which I might have referred to her as being “crazy.” And then I realized, “Wait! She did tell me she was crazy.” Colleen jumped right in with, “She told you she was crazy? And you didn’t believe her? Girl, BELIEVE what people tell you about themselves! They will tell you their truth!”

So then I thought back to Girls 1–3 and remembered that Girl #3 spoke IMMEDIATE truth (that I actually recognized in the moment as truth). She said something like, “Yeah, I’m super busy so if someone doesn’t catch my attention, I’m just not going to make time for them. …Oops, I probably shouldn’t have said that.” And I was thinking, “No, it’s perfect. I’d rather hear the truth.”

So it’s interesting that in the case of Crazy I wasn’t willing to hear it, but in the case of Busy I was. And with Girl #6 (the most recent), the truth I heard over and over was a variation on, “I’m an asshole.” And in this case I was half willing to believe it and half wanting to poo-poo it. (Haha! Poo-poo the asshole comment!) I don’t believe she’s an asshole…and what I believe is of no importance. What matters is what she believes, and she believes she’s an asshole. So, she’s an asshole. Her unconscious creates evidence for her over and over again that she’s an asshole–because those are the instructions she’s giving her unconscious mind. Same for Girl #4 with the crazy. Is she actually crazy? No, not any more than anyone else. But because that’s her truth for herself…well, she is.

So I guess the warning cuts both ways:

1) Believe what people tell you, even if their pheromones are speaking louder than their words and you don’t WANT to believe it.

2) Be aware of what you say about yourself because you are unconsciously going to make it true over and over again.

If you’re not sure what you say about yourself, let me take you out sometime on a date and I’ll let you know what I hear.