So perhaps yesterday’s post made people a bit squirmy. It certainly didn’t offer much sunlight. So tonight, fresh off the table of the Chinese reflexology/massage place I love so much, I desire to write about something that was really fun and totally unexpected: the night I met (and fell head over heals for) a porn star.

This might have been a couple years ago. I was at Eden (a lesbian restaurant/bar in Denver) with my girlfriend at the time (let’s call her Cruela) and her friend. To set the scene: I’m 12 to 15 years younger than both of the women I’m with and they’re both a little…ummm…uptight and judgmental. We had just started playing pool when a young pierced and tatted lesbian came over to ask if we’d met Ryan Keely yet. She could tell by the blank looks on our faces that we needed a little more information. “She’s a lesbian porn star! She’s only EVER done girl-on-girl porn!” Cruela and her friend turned away completely unimpressed and uninterested. Me, being the eager puppy dog I am most of the time, thought, “Cool! I’ve never met a porn star! Why not?!”

And as I walked over I realized I was THE ONLY person in line—I had her FULL attention. While she signed my photo I did what I always do when I meet someone new: I put on my interviewer hat. I can’t remember how the conversation started but in no time we were embroiled in this fascinating (to me) discussion about her life as a porn star. Here’s some of what I learned:

• Sites like pornhub.com (which Wikipedia describes as a “free, ad-supported video sharing website and the largest porn site on the internet”) are destroying the porn industry. Here’s how (also from Wikipedia):

Copyright infringement claims: In 2010, Mansef Inc. and Interhub, the owners of Pornhub, were sued by the copyright holding company of the pornographic film production company Pink Visual, Ventura Content, for the copyright infringement of 95 videos on websites, including Pornhub, Keezmovies, Extremetube, and Tube8. According to Ventura Content the 45 videos were streamed “tens of millions of times” and they claimed the piracy threatened the “entire adult entertainment industry.” Porn 2.0 sites such as these are seen as posing notable competition for paid pornographic websites and traditional magazine and DVD-based pornography.

• Porn stars only get paid a flat fee for each performance. This shocked me! I guess I assumed that actors were paid a flat fee plus royalties based on sales. Nope. One time payment per performance.
• Ryan lives on a very tight budget (which I have mad respect for).
• She had hopes of acting, then directing, then producing, then owning her own studio. That dream was heaving its final gasps as we spoke because of how the internet had already changed the game of porn. At a very young age (she was maybe 28?) she was already being faced with reinventing herself and rethinking her career goals. I just googled her and her tag line says, “Host, Presenter, Sex Expert, Writer, Model.”
• She is articulate and intelligent.
• She’s from Seattle.
• She has never done straight porn. She will never do straight porn. She is a lesbian and she loves fucking women. Not many women stand their ground this way within the industry.
• When I asked her if she had favorite women to perform with, she lit up and started listing the names of women she’d recently done smoldering-hot scenes with. None of the names meant anything to me but that was irrelevant—anyone that lit up about what they’re talking about…that’s sexy.
• My favorite quote: “I fuck women…on camera…for a living. It’s intense!“
  

  “To Erin XOXO Ryan Keely” (Proof it wasn’t just a dream.)

After about five minutes of animated discussion (she was clearly not used to having intelligent conversation at events like this), I started to feel energetic darts being thrown at my back and I noticed Ryan distractedly looking over my left shoulder at something. I wasn’t at all surprised to follow her gaze to a gorgeous woman leaning against the wall projecting bulldog “she’s mine, bitch” energy. Ha ha! As if! As if this nerd bird girl with her little interviewer hat on and homeless-girl clothes could pose a threat! Regardless, clearly I had exceeded my fan-girl time limit and it was time to close the interview.

I walked back to the pool table and my girlfriend made a comment about how amazing it is that I can talk to anyone (thus sorta’ complimenting me and totally insulting Ryan). I expected that from her and didn’t even care; I was on cloud 9. A woman that sexy and that fun to talk to?! Yes, please!!

About 20 minutes later I was dancing with Cruela (her friend had gone home) when I looked up the stairs just in time to lock eyes with Ryan. She was scoping out the scene and preparing for something. I noticed her observing me with my date (I might have mentioned to her that I was dating a much older and somewhat uptight woman) and I was beyond thrilled at the recognition!

And then…the music changed and there came Ryan descending the stairs in her incredibly sexy clothes (that’s the best my memory can do at this point–leather pants for sure, tall heels). She then picked a volunteer audience member (the woman known around Denver as Big Red) to sit in a chair on stage and receive a lap dance. Although I could barely peel my eyes off Ryan, I was curious to see Cruela’s reaction. She was mesmerized, jaw practically on the floor… and I was vindicated.

Ryan (left) with her BFF. Just as sexy in a t-shirt and no makeup. Pure gorgeous.