I’m starting to notice a theme as I look back at previous blog titles and see that last November I wrote a post called “The Art of Getting Dumped.” That was certainly an attention-grabbing title! The title for today I borrowed from the movie He’s Just Not That Into You, which I haven’t seen but which a friend mentioned recently when I was describing my then-current dating situation.
“Situation” is a good way to describe it. In hindsight here’s the best I can piece together to explain what happened: We were on totally different pages. Imagine a book with those incomprehensibly thin pages with gold trim on the edges. The book is 10,000 pages long and she’s on page 23 and I’m on page 6,459. How well do you think that worked? I was courting her, as full-court press as a broke girl can manage, and she was…well, she was being my friend. Yes, my friends, another one bites the dust!
Dating is a giant mirror. Hell, it’s a room of mirrors—some distorted to make objects seem smaller or larger than they really are, some offering disturbingly accurate reflections, and some that must be two-way mirrors because even the producers of the Bachelorette couldn’t write this shit (someone should be enjoying the drama!).
What I’ve seen in my last couple “Yay I got past three dates!” dating experiences is this: I must hate myself. How else can I explain getting so attached to women who are either repulsed by me (as in the case of Girl #0) or are simply lukewarm (as in the case of Girl #6)? Or wait…maybe I’m just lacking proper perspective! If I keep inching across the spectrum, heartache by heartache, in the direction I’m currently headed, I might theoretically land on reciprocal enamorment.
“But grasshopper,” you say, “you will not find someone to love you until you first love yourself.” And so tonight I do two things:
1) I light a candle in gratitude for Girl #6 and everything I learned from her. I also with that candle send a little energetic ripple into the universe to wish that Leo metal monkey a very Happy Birthday tomorrow. May we both have learned something from our short dance together.
2) I embark on a bit of light reading just in case my self-loathing theory is true: Unworthy: How to Stop Hating Yourself. If there were ever a title to make people across from you on the bus uncomfortable…this is it!