Mild State of Shock: I Really Just Dumped Sallie Mae

(Originally published October 2, 2013)


She treated me well. She put me through massage school. She took my phone calls.

She was never much for cuddling.

It was a relationship I stayed in way too long. Finally I woke up from the fog I’d been living in and realized there were better things waiting for me out in the world—but only once I cut ties with Sallie Mae.

I didn’t even warn her that I was done. I just left a wad of cash on the living room table under my empty beer bottle…no “Dear Sallie Mae” letter or anything. No lesbian over-processing. No “It’s not you, it’s me” speech.


I don’t feel too bad, though. With a sailor in every port and two on Sunday (she mixed metaphors all the time and spoke in acronyms…), she’ll be fine without me. She was always recruiting younger women and had a warehouse full of proverbial toasters.

I left her on account of Dave Ramsey. He helped me see that she really wasn’t doing me any favors and he helped me map out a plan to leave her. He’s a married man, ultra-Christian, with kids. Nothing happened between us; he just gave me some great advice. I followed it.

Now I’m free to dream bigger. I finally know I deserve more.


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